Most days, after the kids are in bed and I have had a chance to regain my breath, I wish I could rewind and have the day to do all over. Often I wish I could rewind months, even years, and relive everything again. Braxton turning one has been incredibly difficult for me. Thinking that realistically, this is my last baby to turn one, my last year of firsts to experience, the last time I will haul around the Carseat, or snuggle a baby as he eats, is so very depressing to me. Being a mom to my three wild men keeps me constantly frazzled, and forever grateful. I already miss the stages they go through and get so upset that I cannot remember all the cute things they have said and done. I feel like life is going by so quickly, I don't get to actually take it all in. Braxton turning one made me realize this even more.
I love my babies with every fiber of my being. I love being their mom. I fear for what lies ahead for them, but am so thrilled that regardless, I will always be their mother. I hope and pray that when all is said and done, our Father in Heaven will give me the opportunity to clearly remember all those precious memories that might have "slipped" of my children as babies, toddlers, etc... I hope I get to remember exactly what their sweet little fingers felt like in my hand, or the way they said momma.
I now see why some people want more and more children. Leaving behind these years and knowing they are never to be seen again must be incredibly hard to do. For now I will try to enjoy each moment, steal all the snuggles and hugs and kisses and hand holds I can get, and thank our loving God every single night that he picked me to be a mom, their mom.
Happy birthday Braxton. I knew you would bring such joy to our home, but I never imagined it would be so much. You are silly and ornery, opiniated and wild, snuggly and wiggly, active and alert, and absolutely adorable! Brody loves you more each day and Bentley thinks you are so fun! I swear eah morning brody sees you he says, "There's my baby! hey Braxton" and then priceeds to hug you, and play with you like you are the very best toy/person in the world!
You love to ride the four-wheeler, play with cars, chase your brothers, eat watermelon, clap your hands, wave at everyone, throw back-arching fits, chew on my phone, snuggle in the morning, bear
crawl through gravel, dance to music, sleep only on your tummy, blow kisses to daddy, make the
worst mess when you eat, and climb anything within your reach!
I love you and although I am sad you will never be "less than one" again, I know you will continue to bring me inexplicable happiness and joy in the coming weeks, months and years. You are my little Braxton boy, now and forever! Happy birthday sweet boy!